What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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