a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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