we're chasing vodka with high fives
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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