You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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