Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
