I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
