sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
