turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
