the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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