We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize