so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
