I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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