ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
