I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
