Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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