just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
