Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
