he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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