I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Will exercising make me less horny?
The air taste purple.
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