Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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