Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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