He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
