filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
