You can't special order awesome
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
