weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
