Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
