even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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