i just made my gag reflex go away.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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