saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
