This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
