Redeem this text for a blowjob
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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