She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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