I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
