I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
