I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
