My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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