Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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