if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
