She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
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Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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