...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
