she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
