My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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