im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
