she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
