i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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