you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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