And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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