We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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