Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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