Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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