i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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