If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
