I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
