somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
