Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
