Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
