I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
