Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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