i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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